Catboy SPEAKS!

A tattoo, as a permanent mark on the only skin you’ll ever own, should represent who you are. We’ve already seen examples of delicate butterflies, cock-craving sluts and disgusting hippies. Now, here’s more!

This young woman was unsatisfied with a tongue stud’s suggestive power and has marked herself to indicate both:

1. “I would like to have a second vagina” and
2. “I’d lick it too”

via konkas

This PYT is a slut–presumably for black cocks–and might be inspired by this cum dumpster:

via large penis party

This faceless young woman wants to remain forever young (as well as provide pedophiles everywhere legal release):

via konkas

Meanwhile my ideal tattoo is a soulless geometric form intended to track my eventual destruction.

I’ve got this idea for a tattoo. I’m going to get grid of fine lines all over my body so I can track how my body contour changes as I grow fat and old. (Question: should I get my cock tattooed when hard or flaccid? Or maybe soft but stretched?)

That will track changes, but what if you just want to see the existing distortion of a body, say the sexual swellings of a thick booty or the sagging curves of enormous breasts? In that case we can apply an externally supplied grid of knit mesh:

THICK BOOTY (via not safe for work)

ENORMOUS BREASTS (via not safe for work)

Noticed the distortion of the grid as the girl flesh pushes against the knit. A more mathematically inclined pervert could model the distortion to calculate real world metrics, maybe a mesh-spacing bra-size calculator.

But even mesh has its limits. Stretched too far it gives no clues as to the size of the wrapped object. Luckily that normally means it’s exceptionally huge, like this talented ass for example:

MAD SKILLZ (via mr. mcnasty)

…but can you be too thin?

To even begin to answer the question we have to clarify: too thin for what? Since this is my blog the question is simple: can someone be too thin for me to want to fuck them.

NO.

In fact I’m actually a bit worried I fetishize tiny women, I frequently find my eyes either lost in this little Medusa’s burning hot vaginal folds or stroking the bulging genitals of my favorite 80-pound sex-toy. But it is a trade-off. For one thing I enjoy some curves and as weight decreases the chances of T&A turn grim:

via urban sex brigade

via come girls

(There are of course counter examples.) For another, you have to be ready for bony protrusions:

via bizarre bazaar

Then, there’s science. According to Ok Cupid’s data scientists: “Curvy women pass skinny ones in self-confidence at age 29 and never look back. They also consistently have the highest sex drive among the groups.” This matches my empirical findings: maybe it’s the estrogen levels, but curvy girls are horny.

But on the positive side, thin girls are thin. This not only let’s you throw them around the bed, it also produces nice aesthetics of scaling: moderate breasts look large on a small frame

via an emotional unveiling is necessary

And big breasts…

via an emotional unveiling is necessary

The lack of body fat generally means the outer labia are withdrawn and the inner thighs don’t touch, revealing juicy genital detail:

via the sol provider

And from the male point of view, a tiny girl gives you the appearance of a bigger dick:

via urban sex brigade

And balls:

via urban sex brigade

And when you cum, it’s much easier to cover a smaller surface area:

via urban sex brigade

It’s enough of a balance that I’ll stick with the advice of Frank Booth.

Art photography has many goals but pornographic photography, like a product shoot, has one: make the subject look amazing. Like all art this magic is achieved by alchemically combining simple the elements: composition, angle, lighting, etc.

Mostly, this is a complete failure.

Then there is this:

Shione Cooper (via mmmh!)

There are some problems–the white-balance is too cool and the composition breaks the photo into two halves: face and tits–but let’s look at what’s done right. The shallow depth of field makes her face the focus, neatly extracting it from the clutter of the camera, the cock and the background of sleazy, overweight man-flesh. Yet that same camera, cock & background set the scene: Shione is kneeling in a circle of men holding either cocks or cameras. The cum on her face reveals that this isn’t the beginning, but the ready camera to the left & cock to the right reveal that the scene isn’t over: there’s lots more semen yet to be shot on Shione.

The framing of her dark hair and the cum drip hanging from her chin draws the eye down to the second half of the photo: her tits. Were the picture cropped at her sternum you might imagine Shione as a skinny pseudo-goth hipster, instead she’s got the full tits of a MILF but without the stretch marks. Cum ties the halves together, her cum covered titties mirror her cum covered face reinforcing that the photo is about sexual release, including the promise of ejaculation for the viewer.

The final part of the photo is Shione herself. Her head is tilted back, her mouth parted and her eyes open & watching the cock: she is eager for her next meal. Likewise her hands do not hang limply but frame her breasts. We can imagine her hands pushing together and sliding forward until her thumb and forefinger lock around her nipples, already hard with sexual excitement. This is not a job for her: she enjoys cocks, she enjoys cum; we needn’t worry about her orgasm as she is content experiencing ours. And her body position says that the next orgasm will be ours: she only needs to turn her head and she will be kneeling full towards us: kneading her heavy breasts, her upturned face begging.

But the real magic of the photograph is in how, by limiting our view, it transforms the subject. Here’s Shione from a less flattering angle:

via rub my boobs

Alchemy.

The war with the sentient machines wasn’t going well. The human resistance, in a desperate move, detonated nuclear weapons raising massive clouds of ash & dust. This was intended to cloud the sky, severing the machines from solar power.

It did.

But the machines found an alternate power source: the female body. The contractions of a single vagina can produce over 10 megajoules per day. A simple hack into the databases of the valley’s largest porn studios turned up willing victims. Thus the the two-stroke reciprocating pussy engine was produced, birthed from the same muscular canal as humans themselves.

via until something breaks or bleeds

Popularized by handcuffs and spanking, S&M has become the most popular of the fetishes. But there’s a difference between letting your high-school crush handcuff you to the headboard and actually enjoying pain. Elucidation:

FAKE (via the sol provider)

HOLY FUCKING SHIT (via an emotional unveiling is necessary)

The year was 1994 and Anthony Ray needed a hit single for Chief Boot Knocka, his fourth album. Hoping to recreate the chart-topping power of Baby Got Back, the hit from 1992′s Mack Daddy, Ray exalted woman’s other sensuous fat globule: the titty.

Sir Mix-A-Lot – Put ‘Em On The Glass [YouTube]

Unfortunately for Ray, commercial success was an ass-man: while Mack Daddy peaked at #9 on the U.S. charts Chief Boot Knocka couldn’t get it’s head above crotch height, languishing at an appropriate #69. The failure may have been musical, due to the less-than-inspired production and cliched rhymes. It may have been sociological: the mid 90′s commercial rap fan just preferred big butts.

Or perhaps, it was geographical. Ray, from Seattle, chose a selection of well-endowed American women to be the titular tits on glass. Had he started his recruiting drive in East Germany, stopped in the Czech Republic and ended in the Ukraine, the results may have been different:

Chloe Vevrier (via reddit)

Milena Velba (via reddit)

Terry Nova (via reddit)

Marilyn Sakova (via reddit)

The inclusion of these titty titans could have boosted sales, reviving Ray’s flagging career and hastening the dominance of the Eastern European big tit starlet.

It is, of course, too late for Anthony Ray. But history–if unstudied!–repeats itself; the young music producer would do well to learn from Ray’s mistakes and recruit outside the border.

The Bruins stepped their game 7 up to sweep the Canucks 4-0. This finished the series, bringing the Cup back to Boston.

via fox 8 news

“Stanely who?” one Red Sox fan–who asked to remain anonymous–responded when asked for comments. “G cups, baby!”

via big boobies basement

The wizards of Madison Avenue have noted the penile comparison trend and once again worked their magic. “What if…” they asked “instead of a second cock we had a client’s product?”

“Beck’s: thick meaty flavor with a slightly less girthy head” (via large penis party)

“Left leaning cocks love the new Mr. Sheer!” (via large penis party)

“Her pussy will gape for the cool refreshing flavor of Classic Coca-Cola” (large penis party)

“What’s black & white and is great going down your throat? Boréale!” (via large penis party)

It starts with the cold rains of October. By November I’ve plastic-ed the windows and switched to merino wool undershirts.
In December I’m easily startled by bright colors, accustomed as I’ve become to a gray sky hovering over a snowy-white ground. I spend January sitting on my sofa wrapped in blankets, the warmth of DSL and my hand the only comforts.

Every year I say it’s the last. “Next year” I say, “Next year I’ll move to San Diego. Or maybe Miami Beach! I do like big asses.”

But let’s face it, that’ll never happened. I’ve got roots here. I’ve got transform my surroundings. I need something that can come to me, maybe even something that can come underneath me.

I think this’ll do.

via big titty treats