Don’t forget the back void!

April 6th, 2015 Comments Off on Don’t forget the back void!

I’ve never been a huge fan of anal sex: most women aren’t fans so it seems pretty selfish for something that doesn’t feel any better.

A few years ago I had a brief, tumultuous relationship with a woman who liked ass play. This lead to one of my favorite sex memories: she’s face down on the bed, her head turned to the side, her eyes closed and brow furrowed. Her sun dress is pulled up to her waist and panties pulled down to her knees, my cock is in her pussy. I lick my left thumb and rim it around her asshole, she groans and I push it in to the first joint. Her mouth forms an O and she begins a familiar crescendo of rolling moans. She reaches to frantically flay her clit; she clenches as she cums, I push my cock deeper, grab the back of her neck, and hold on as she quivers.

That made he want to fuck her in the ass. I imagined it: I’d be on the couch and she’d straddle me in reverse cow girl, my cock in her ass, one hand on her clit and the other on her delightfully tiny tit, tugging on her nipple ring. But it never happened. She was never ready–whatever that means–for cock-in-ass with me before we went supernova.

The whole thing made me appreciate ass sex: some women are into it and I have unfinished business

(no source, sorry!)

(no source, sorry!)

Titty and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

February 17th, 2014 § 2

Somethings just aren’t my thing; one of those things is pain. Heavy BDSM makes my asshole cold & fluttery… but then again so do autopsy videos and it’s not like I’m going to stop watching those.

Whatever. If you’re similarly squeemish, bail after this light-hearted tit-punching. You’ve been warned.

What, is your left hand broken or something?!  Lazy jamook

What, is your left hand broken or something?! Lazy jamook (via joshua’s heart)

» Read the rest of this entry «

Sex skills: deep throat

February 3rd, 2014 Comments Off on Sex skills: deep throat

Past a certain age we think we’ve seen it all: every sex act from here to Kalamazoo. But have we? I thought about this the other week when I had my left hand completely inside a pussy hole for the first time. What else haven’t I done? I wondered Oh right, shoved my cock completely inside a mouth hole! Not for want of trying, mind you. Step your game up women, learn some skills.

Here’s some inspiration:

via reddit

via reddit

via reddit

via reddit

And here’s how you get there:

Practice makes perfect

Practice makes perfect (via reddit)

Notable nips 2: grade-1 inversion, aka “Winkies” aka “The Anime”

January 17th, 2014 Comments Off on Notable nips 2: grade-1 inversion, aka “Winkies” aka “The Anime”

Something’s been bothering me since my nipple research: my ex’s winky nips weren’t represented.

What are winkies? You might know them better as anime nips: protruding from the areola but with a deep crease running down the middle, making it look like it’s winking at you.

Heavenly heaving

Heavenly heaving (via imagefap)

This is actually an inversion, but only a grade-1 inversion. Here’s a non-anime example, sitting on a realistically sized breast:

Also half-innie, half-outie belly-button

Also half-innie, half-outie belly-button (via reddit)

Zoom:

Wink wink!

Wink wink! (via reddit)

In contrast, the most noticable and hence best known inversions are grade-3, such as on big-titted champion Siri:

He's copied my massage technique

He’s copied my massage technique (via reddit)

Catboy dreams of pneumatics

May 10th, 2012 § 0

I was on an airplane discretely using a penis pump. By discrete I mean I wasn’t naked, but the pump was still exposed. It rose from my lap like a huge fake erection. The pump was a high-tech marvel. It was a smooth, Mac-like white with the exception the acrylic window with built-in ruler, the digital pressure controls and the pale green LED charge indicator; it was the Sonicare of penis pumps.

I pushed the button to increase the pressure and it beeped softly. Under the acrylic my cock swelled and elongated, the corona flushed red. I hit the button a few more times but then remembered that I had to be careful not to exceed the critical pressure.

“Does that really work?” a man behind me asked.

We were sitting in my grandmother’s living room.

“Basically yes” I said, still pushing the button “though it takes awhile.”

The pump suddenly swelled and I knew I’d gone too far. The white case ejected itself and flew into the adjoining dining room, trailed by a collection of small metal pieces.

“Don’t worry!” I shouted “It’s just the case, my dick didn’t explode!”

I stood and I was naked. My cock hung soft and heavy, the meatus distended and spread. I walked into the dining room and knelt to pick up the pieces. Lined up against the wall were small stacks of presents bound with sisal twine.

Tea2: Judgement Day

May 7th, 2012 § 0

There are choices when it comes to morning brew. Now we have two more examples and it’s time to make a decision:

Well good morning!
via the sol provider

Look at Coffee. Look at her firm nubile body, her velvety, hairless pussy. Her cute yellow panties with their tiny bow. Her belly button jewlery emphasizes her flat stomach, showing only hints of lower-abdomen fat. She’s 20, and slender and fresh. She grew up in the suburbs watching porn so she’ll make lots of gooshy noises while sucking your dick, badly. She’ll moan quietly during sex and tell you she came even though she didn’t. She imagines that when she’s older she’ll be married and spend her time rearranging the living-room.

Now look at Tea:

DID I SAY YOU COULD SPEAK?!
via our filthy fantasy

Her body is harsh and angular, she burns calories smoking, running, and fucking. She does these things because she likes them; she likes them because they hurt. In highschool she got tired of waiting for her boyfriend to fuck her so she let her friend’s older brother take her virginity in his car. It lasted 5 minutes. Afterwards she cleaned up the blood with her underwear, underwear she still has as a memento. She’s 28. She’ll lie back with her head off the end of the bed so you can ram her throat while spanking her clit; then she’ll ask you to squeeze her screams closed while fucking her from behind. When she’s older she’ll make you use a vibrator or your fist when you can’t get hard twice in a row anymore.

Tea, definitely tea,
Catboy

Party time!

March 11th, 2012 § 0

Did I mention my birthday yet? Because my birthday is coming up. MY BIRHDAY.

The only question is what kind of party I want…

Way better than that thing where they tug your ears once for every year.  It takes forever to cum that way.
House (big dick superiority)

I feel like that guy beside him is trying to ignore the whole thing
Dinner (hot positions)

There's going to be a lot of juice on that fancy sofa thing
Costume (via bizarre bazaar)

YOTND: Bigger, bigger… er, actually that’s too big

March 7th, 2012 § 0

Although it goes against all my male instincts, I must out the truth: penises can be too big. Sometimes it just won’t fit comfortably into the hole. In such cases it is the woman’s responsibility to let her partner know:

Or maybe she's saying "Yaaaay!"?
via reddit

It also behooves the man to be a decorous and insert only the tip. Such a gentleman may even be invited in via the narrow back-alley:

Of course you're also likely to get to have ass sex if it's Jenna Haze's ass
via fum on her case

Though in some cases it’s the tip that’s the problem.

OMG WTF SRSLY?!
via girls+dicks

But if you’re dick is that big I hate you and you deserve to die.

Jealousy is so ugly,
Catboy

BREAKING: Famous people are sluts too

March 5th, 2012 § 0

Everyone’s got hormones so it’s no surprise that famous people like to get their fuck on, but that doesn’t mean we can’t gawk at it in vicious delight. So today we have thee (and a half) famous people doing naughty things.

1: Something I would like to nibble

Lucky for us, Scarlett strays again.

Of course she can't help it, her nipples yearn to escape captivity and leap onto my waiting tongue.
via ffffound

2: The gentle rub of a sandpaper tongue

The stereotype are true: people who are dominant in their day job like to get a little more submissive in bed. Maybe that’s why rough & raggedy criminal mastermind Cat Woman is a discrete, eyes-closed cock-sucker. In fact she’s so shy she only coquettishly nibbles the tip!

Captain cock veins
via cum4tits

Sadly this is the only picture of the night, so we can’t see her on all fours, offering her cat-ass up to the tom’s barbed penis.

3 (and a half): Party time

On the other hand the wild will always be wild, as we see here with wild-woman Juliette Lewis and classy-pornographer Terry Richardson:

Terry Richard son has a huge head
via danish principle

Editorial

Don’t forget: my birthday is fast approaching! Although I expect my loyal readers will come through with a van full of nymphomaniac, big-titty, euro teens, some people like to give physical presents. To those losers, I would request a new digital camera, specifically this one:

Am I the only one who thinks thumb rings are dumb?
via fum on her case

2012: Turning over a new, smaller fig-leaf

January 1st, 2012 § 0

Last year I made a plea for the world to synchronize the hip-thrust’s of women.

Douching the hard way
via fellatio faces

That one girl has huge fucking legs
via reddit

Success! So where, in 2012, shall I set the philanthropic gaze of my laser eyes? Maybe answer comes from David Czerny: instead of schadenfreude tainted penile comparisons‘s, maybe 2012 will be the year of small penis exaltation?

There’s no shortage of small penis tribute sites, such as the succinctly named small dick lover or the wittier unhung heroes. Nor is there a shortage of small, proud peters. For example this guy or this one. Some people even voluntarily round down:

Debunking the height = hung myth
measure your cock

He could get to 3.5″ just by moving the ruler! And, given the shaft wrinkles, even more by getting an erection.

Maybe this will be my resolution: no more will I laude the large penis! Instead I will provide a fair forum for cocks of all sizes!

On the other hand…

Why do porn dudes leave their socks on?  How cold is it on those sets?
via cum4tits

Not yet fully hard, I hope
via big dick superiority

Yeah, these look way better.

Fuck it, happy year of the nether dragon!

Good thing it's not 2011, or he'd need two dicks
via big dick superiority

Not good at resolutions,
Catboy

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