You can’t be too rich…

July 30th, 2011 § 3

…but can you be too thin?

To even begin to answer the question we have to clarify: too thin for what? Since this is my blog the question is simple: can someone be too thin for me to want to fuck them.

NO.

In fact I’m actually a bit worried I fetishize tiny women, I frequently find my eyes either lost in this little Medusa’s burning hot vaginal folds or stroking the bulging genitals of my favorite 80-pound sex-toy. But it is a trade-off. For one thing I enjoy some curves and as weight decreases the chances of T&A turn grim:

No T, no N, unknown A
via urban sex brigade

Small T, nice N, negative A
via come girls

(There are of course counter examples.) For another, you have to be ready for bony protrusions:

"Don't crop photos at your subjects joints unless you like the amputee look."  So true.
via bizarre bazaar

Then, there’s science. According to Ok Cupid’s data scientists: “Curvy women pass skinny ones in self-confidence at age 29 and never look back. They also consistently have the highest sex drive among the groups.” This matches my empirical findings: maybe it’s the estrogen levels, but curvy girls are horny.

But on the positive side, thin girls are thin. This not only let’s you throw them around the bed, it also produces nice aesthetics of scaling: moderate breasts look large on a small frame

Though I find that forward shoulder angle disturbing
via an emotional unveiling is necessary

And big breasts…

All her fat is in her cheeks & tits, yes all 8% of it
via an emotional unveiling is necessary

The lack of body fat generally means the outer labia are withdrawn and the inner thighs don’t touch, revealing juicy genital detail:

The reason I want to be a masseur
via the sol provider

And from the male point of view, a tiny girl gives you the appearance of a bigger dick:

They also make your hands look huge apparently
via urban sex brigade

And balls:

Easy to fold in half.  Advantage: skinny girls
via urban sex brigade

And when you cum, it’s much easier to cover a smaller surface area:

But the sheets have to go
via urban sex brigade

It’s enough of a balance that I’ll stick with the advice of Frank Booth.

The withering effects of pornography

July 29th, 2011 § 0

Porn makes you stupid and impotent, or so this guy says. He has a point, I am no longer excited by women unless they have giant horse cocks.

But I recently discovered another damaging effect of pornography: crosswords. Exhibit A:

It makes sense to me

I later realized they were probably looking for “DOUGH”. Why would I jump to the conclusion that it was “BOOBS”? Maybe it has something to do with pornography…

Cute face too
via big boobies basement

The face is irrelevant at this point
via come girls

More people helping people
via ducodubo

Really quite a small tittie
via an emotional unveiling is necessary

Sex can be awkward #50: awkward penis proximity

July 28th, 2011 § 0

We’ve already seen awkward penises and awkward black penises. Here’s more:

Sizing seems very important
Cozy (via 8=D)

Her heart's in the right place, but she understands neither blow jobs nor hand jobs.
Cock on the cob (via girls+dicks)

Nuts
via big boobies basement

The perfect light, the perfect angle

July 27th, 2011 § 1

Art photography has many goals but pornographic photography, like a product shoot, has one: make the subject look amazing. Like all art this magic is achieved by alchemically combining simple the elements: composition, angle, lighting, etc.

Mostly, this is a complete failure.

Then there is this:

Big drips
Shione Cooper (via mmmh!)

There are some problems–the white-balance is too cool and the composition breaks the photo into two halves: face and tits–but let’s look at what’s done right. The shallow depth of field makes her face the focus, neatly extracting it from the clutter of the camera, the cock and the background of sleazy, overweight man-flesh. Yet that same camera, cock & background set the scene: Shione is kneeling in a circle of men holding either cocks or cameras. The cum on her face reveals that this isn’t the beginning, but the ready camera to the left & cock to the right reveal that the scene isn’t over: there’s lots more semen yet to be shot on Shione.

The framing of her dark hair and the cum drip hanging from her chin draws the eye down to the second half of the photo: her tits. Were the picture cropped at her sternum you might imagine Shione as a skinny pseudo-goth hipster, instead she’s got the full tits of a MILF but without the stretch marks. Cum ties the halves together, her cum covered titties mirror her cum covered face reinforcing that the photo is about sexual release, including the promise of ejaculation for the viewer.

The final part of the photo is Shione herself. Her head is tilted back, her mouth parted and her eyes open & watching the cock: she is eager for her next meal. Likewise her hands do not hang limply but frame her breasts. We can imagine her hands pushing together and sliding forward until her thumb and forefinger lock around her nipples, already hard with sexual excitement. This is not a job for her: she enjoys cocks, she enjoys cum; we needn’t worry about her orgasm as she is content experiencing ours. And her body position says that the next orgasm will be ours: she only needs to turn her head and she will be kneeling full towards us: kneading her heavy breasts, her upturned face begging.

But the real magic of the photograph is in how, by limiting our view, it transforms the subject. Here’s Shione from a less flattering angle:

I'm not into the whole spread butthole thing
via rub my boobs

Alchemy.

Going back for my MFA,
Catboy

Sex can be awkward #49: Muscles make the woman…

July 26th, 2011 § 0

…disgusting.

No offense.

I was considering getting grapefruits stapled to my pecs too
via the sol provider

Satan’s pasties

July 25th, 2011 § 1

We’re getting closer to seeing some actual unholy nip.

Something with a hollow center would be sexier, like a star of david
via come girls

More bad positions: cunnilingus

July 24th, 2011 § 0

Previously on catboyspeaks…

Sure, it looks good here but you didn't see the attempts where they were still trying to get the height right; the first swing the clit almost took out her eye
via we are rare and we are mostly men

Though those are my two favorite summer activities
via we are rare and we are mostly men

69 would be a better arm workout for the bottom
via the sol provider

And as a special bonus, here’s another couple getting ready to set-up for the previous position:

Sexy monkey hanging from a cat perch?
via lup la oi

Like a horse

July 23rd, 2011 § 1

That's going to take a lot of break in time
Prep work (via urban sex brigade)

"Moi?!"
“For me?” (via urban sex brigade)

Maybe the skirt wasn't the best clothing choice
Possibly fake (via seriously, girlcocks?)

For your personal exploration

BREAKING: Cum also good for faces & hair; pussies learning to share

July 22nd, 2011 § 0

Bringing you news as it happens has always been part of the catboyspeaks.com mission, which is why we’re proud to bring you this story from summer, 2002:

In a sample of sexually active college females, condom use, as an indirect measure of the presence of semen in the reproductive tract, was related to scores on the Beck Depression Inventory. Not only were females who were having sex without condoms less depressed, but depressive symptoms and suicide attempts among females who used condoms were proportional to the consistency of condom use. For females who did not use condoms, depression scores went up as the amount of time since their last sexual encounter increased. These data are consistent with the possibility that semen may antagonize depressive symptoms and evidence which shows that the vagina absorbs a number of components of semen that can be detected in the bloodstream within a few hours of administration.

Gallup GG Jr, Burch RL, Platek SM. Does semen have antidepressant properties? Arch Sex Behav. 2002 Jun;31(3):289-93

As I already prefer to shoot inside–or outside and then have her lick it up–these findings do nothing to change my personal proclivities. But I understand there may be some readers who do not enjoy cum, so I have gone in search of more evidence of the benefits of semen.

My research reveals bad news for those who dislike cum entirely: it is good for you and if you don’t have it you will probably die unhappy and alone. But it also has good news for those who simply dislike both non-barrier birth control and abortions: anecdotal evidence indicates that cum’s mood-boosting effects work just as well through the skin and hair:

I can't tell if that's more than one load or if she's dating a bull
via bizarre bazaar

What is it about the ear that makes her so cute?
via reddit

In other news, I am offering my services as a free-lance cum dispenser. I have over a decade and a half of experience in the field and eat a lot of fruit. CV & References available upon request.

Art can be awkward #6: the horrible freedom of a blank canvas

July 21st, 2011 § 2

The unlimited freedom of illustrated smut allows the artist to create the perfect scene. It starts with a woman both beautiful and wanton:

I would be delighted
via not safe for work

Then adds huge tits:

To be fair, the kneeling girl has pretty average sized knockers.
via paint me the picture

I think holding pictures of yourself when fucking is a little conceited.  But the tits & willingness to receive anal make up for it.
via paint me the picture

The lemon sized testicles are merely average though.  I also appreciate his attention to nipple detail.  I say "he" beause I assume this would only be drawn by a man, or a female plastic surgeon specializing in breast augmentation surgery.  Who also had a ball festish.
via paint me the picture

The next thing to exaggerate are the dicks:

The art is a bit rough, but I like the colored pencil.  I mean the media, that would hava e been a good pun if it was a black dick.
via paint me the picture

And clits:

Nurse Rose is a ho!
via paint me the picture

(Or maybe dicks instead of clits):

Less subtle.  Smaller tits though; the artist had a nipple fetish instead.
via seriously, girlcocks?

It's sort of subtle at least
via paint me the picture

Perfect!

Although these are all rather fantastical, none are impossible to achieve in real life. There are horny women with huge tits & clits. There are men with giant dicks. There are even women with 3″ nipples and a giant shaved dongs crammed into their yellow bikini bottoms. That’s why I’m glad Japan exists:

His cock head looks just like her cooter
via not safe for work

Japan: one-upping perverts since at least 1814.

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